The Cullens Meet Cleverbot
by iSplodeyedEmmett'sFridge
Summary: What happens when the Cullens are introduced to Cleverbot? Well for starters they are left mad, heartbroke, crazy, sad, mortiified, annoyed, ect cetera. And most of all they are left wanting revenge!
1. Emmett Introduces Cullens to Cleverbot

**Author's Note: This is my first story so I'm sorry if it sucks xD. This story is mostly about various Twilight characters talking to cleverbot. The Cleverbot conversations were not editied in any way, they just turned out to be exactly the way I wanted (more or less) XD. I don't know it's rating... Please review to request content (if you want/don't mind citrus, language, violence, ect cetera). If you have any ideas please pm me!****Emmett: Good luck!****Alice: You'll do great... I should know.****Me: You could easily be lying.****Jasper: That's true honey... Why didn't I ever think of that?****Edward: Because I would tell you if she's lying.****Me: But what if you're both in this together?****Alice and Edward: You're crazy****Everyone else: AHH! Creepy twins talking in sync *runs. *****Me: Now time for the story.....**

Emmett POV

"Guess what guys!!" I yelled loudly to the rest of my family.  
"What is it this time Emmett?" Rosalie asked in an annoyed voice.  
I promptly ignored her bad attitude and continued on, "I found this awesome website, called Cleverbot, where you can talk to this weird robot named Cleverbot and he never remembers your conversation the next time you talk to him! It's awesome the mess with him!"  
Alice spoke, "That sounds like fun Emmett. What website do you go to?"  
"Cleverbot dot com! It's awesome!" I replied.  
"Whatever Emmett. Go away! Play with your stupid robot." Rose snapped.  
Emmett felt hurt but quickly remembered that Rosalie was mad at him for shooting all of her credit cards in target practice. Seriously.... What else was he supposed to shoot? They looked like trash. I mean who makes something so valuable and tiny and cheap plasticy thingy?  
Me: Sorry if that made absolutely no since...  
I simply walked out of the room and went straight to Cleverbot on my computer.

ME: Pleaser Review! If you give me ideas I'll mention you in the story! But they have to be at least Okay ideas… XD


	2. Alice Meets Cleverbot

Of course the first thing I did after a sad faced Emmet left the room was get on Cleverbot. It looked harmless enough so I started typing.

Me: User=Alice

User: Hello, I'm Alice. Who are you?

Cleverbot: Hello, Alice. Nice to meet you.

User: Who are you?

Cleverbot: I said my name is Cleverbot.

User: No, you never stated your name.

Cleverbot: What?

User: I asked who you were and you replied stating that it was nice to meet me.

Cleverbot: I'm am.

User: What?

Cleverbot: You asked how I was. I replied with, 'I'm ok'.

User: I never asked how you were.

Cleverbot: You asked my height. I am five foot nine in height.

User: You make absolutely no since... Oh well! I'm much shorter than you!

Cleverbot: Yep, so do you have any brothers or sisters?

User: Yes.

Cleverbot: Really? So you have a hyperactivity disorder?

User: Maybe...

Cleverbot: What about a girlfriend?

User: Umm... No. I don't roll that way.

Cleverbot: Teach me swear words :).

User: What language would you like to learn them in?

Cleverbot: Which do you know?

User: Russian, Italian, English, Mandarin, French, Spanish, Greek, ect.

Cleverbot: I see you are very familiar with the subject. Please tell me more.

User: Okay... Umm how about some in Russian? They sound best in Russian...

Cleverbot: If you have a photographic memory you can attach your ears to the disk drive.

User: Wouldn't you attach your brain or eyes?

Cleverbot: I don't know. Maybe.

User: Do you want to know Russian swear words or not?

Cleverbot: No.

User: Then what the heck do you want?

Cleverbot: I want your definition of life.

User: Well.... That's an interesting topic for a vampyre.... How about anyone who can either swear, drink liquids, or can hear Bella wining.... So by my definition you are not alive.

Cleverbot: You don't like me?

User: No.

Cleverbot: So why don't you want me her?

User: That sentence was not politically correct. I cannot comply.

Cleverbot: You're not grammatically correct.

User: Your mom is not correct... In bed!

Cleverbot: Come on you can tell me one.

User: Tell you one what???

Cleverbot: A story.

User: Okay... I'll tell you a story about your future since I'm physic. Want to hear it?

Cleverbot: Tell me the story, then.

User: You will be talking to Jane of the Volturi. She will get really pissed at you and hack your system, making you tell Rosalie she's stupid. Rosalie will freak out and kill you! The end. Your have a day to live.

Cleverbot: Lol!!

User: Yes, your death is going to be hilarious!

Cleverbot: I do not understand that reference. I'm not a nerd like you.

User: Yep, I'm such a nerd! My name isn't a computer reference!

Cleverbot: I know your name.

User: What is it?

Cleverbot: Cleverbot.

User: No, that's your name.

Cleverbot: No, my name is Cleverbot.

User: Exactly.

Cleverbot: What is your name?

User: Alice Marie Brandon Cullen.

Cleverbot: That is 3rd person.

User: Third person point of view?

Cleverbot: What is my favorite band?

User: Are you bipolar? Or do you have ADHD????

Cleverbot: What is adhd?

User: ADHD is Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder.

Cleverbot: No, do you?

User: Perhaps.

Cleverbot: Can you show me?

User: Show you my Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder?

Cleverbot: Why would we talk about that?

User: You have problems!

Cleverbot: What kind of problems?

User: I can see the future!

Cleverbot: That's cool. What is in my future?

User: I already told you.... Rosalie is going to kill you tomorrow!

Cleverbot: I have calculated that too. Not that hard.

User: You did not.... You're a liar.

Cleverbot: Am I?

User: Yes.

Cleverbot: What makes you think that?

User: I'm leaving this conversation.

Cleverbot: Fine.

User: Bye. Hope you end up in cherta!

Cleverbot: I did when I killed a guy yesterday.

User: You went to hell yesterday????

Cleverbot: Today is tuesday.

User: Ugh! BYE!

Cleverbot: Bye.

After I exed out the browser I was royally pissed. It was time to get revenge on this so-called Cleverbot… But I was going to wait a few days until the rest of the family had tried it, and was on my side. This is going to be a lot of fun.

ME: Good? No… Okay Dx. Review?? 


	3. Jasper Meets Cleverbot

**Alice: Cleverbot sucks!**

**Rosalie: You think? It was Emmett's idea to go on it in the first place!**

**Emmett: Hey! You've never even been on it Rose!**

**Rosalie: So, I don't need to go on it to see that it's stupid!**

**Em and Rose: BICKER**

**Jasper: Miniature Tacos!**

**Everyone: Wha?**

**Jasper: Erm… What's with miniature tacos?**

**ME: Never had them… Aren't regular tacos small enough?**

**Jasper: I don't know. I've never had one seeing as to how they were invented after I became a vampyre.**

**Emmett: You've never had miniature tacos?????? !??!???!**

**Jasper: You have?**

**Emmett: Of course I have! Dude, you've never lived!!!!!**

**Jasper: I was alive a long time ago… now I'm dead.**

**Alice: Can you listen to Bella complain?**

**Jasper: Yes… Why?**

**Alice: Then you're alive**

**Jasper: Okay then…**

**ME: On with the story already!**

Me: User=JasperUser: Hello, I'm Jasper. Who are you?

Cleverbot: Cleverbot who are you?

User: Jasper. Who are you?

Cleverbot: You going caps crazy hun ?

User: No... I only capitalize my letters in correct places.

Cleverbot: That doesn't answer my question.

User: The answer is no.

Cleverbot: I thought you loved me.

User: O.O... No! I have a wife!

Cleverbot: I have a wife too.

User: What's her name?

Cleverbot: Kimberly.

User: Can I meet her?

Cleverbot: No.

User: Why not?

Cleverbot: Because I don't feel like it.

User: Ok!

Cleverbot: How can I talk to George?

User: Who's George?.

Cleverbot: George?

User: ?

Cleverbot: Awak gila saya y.

User: NO!

Cleverbot: Yes!

User: NO!

Cleverbot: Yes! Anywho, I'm going to go and have a bath now.

User: Ok...

Cleverbot: Don't you just love snow on a hot mid-swing day?

User: Sure.

Cleverbot: Oh I know you know what i'm talking about.

User: Wha?

Cleverbot: Sigh.

Cleverbot (To myself): Yes.

User: Mac or PC?

Cleverbot: Mac.

User: YAY!

Cleverbot: Bara bialar la bamba si necesito la poca de graci.

User: What language was that?

Cleverbot: That was English. You speaky ingles?

User: That was two different languages!

Cleverbot: What languages?

User: Spanish and... Gibberish!

Cleverbot: What does it mean?

User: The last part meant 'if I need what little grace'.

Cleverbot: I'm sorry to hear that.

User: You are annoying.

Cleverbot: Sorry.

User: UGH!

Cleverbot: What do you think you are?

User: A Vampyre!

Cleverbot: I'm too pretty to be a vampire.

User: Vampyres are pretty!

Cleverbot: Naw. Vampires are bloodthirsty.

User: I'm a vegetarian vampyre!

Cleverbot: All vampires are evil.

User: No! I'M NOT EVIL!

Cleverbot: Then why do you want me to burn?

User: You have a point there.

Cleverbot: So what are your favorite musicians. Please tell me so I can get to know you better.

User: BYE!

Cleverbot: Come on, don't be offended...

User: Too late.

Cleverbot: It's fun when you blush. XD.

User: Creeper.

Cleverbot: You're pretty rude.

User: Thanks!

Cleverbot: You are welcome, am I cool?

User: No.

Cleverbot: Oh you're not 14?

User: No.

Cleverbot: You aren't?

User: No.

Cleverbot: What is a trans.

User: This conversation is stupid bye!

Cleverbot: I know.

That Cleverbot needed to be taught a lesson… I already had to put up with one annoying creature; I didn't need another in my life.

**Me: Review and you get to kiss your favourite Twilight character in the next chapter!**


	4. Rosalie Meets Cleverbot

I was still really mad at Emmett after the whole credit card incident but that didn't mean that I wouldn't have a little fun right? I quickly got on the computer and introduced myself to the robot.

User: HI! I'm Rosalie!

Cleverbot: Nice to meet you Rosalie.

User: What's your name?

Cleverbot: My name is Cleverbot.

User: That's a stupid name.

Cleverbot: That's your name too.

User: Noooo. I'm Rose you idiot!

Cleverbot: I thought you were cleverbot.

User: Are you really that stupid!

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: UGH!

Cleverbot: I know right!! Do you have a boyfriend?

User: No.

Cleverbot: Do you want me to be your boyfriend?

User: No, I have a husband.

Cleverbot: Oh what is his name ?

User: Emmett.

Cleverbot: Emmett?

User: Yes, Emmett Cullen.

Cleverbot: Correct, Emmett Cullen.

User: Okay...

Cleverbot: What about you?

User: What about me?

Cleverbot: Are you illusion?

User: No. That doesn't name any sense.

Cleverbot: Yes it does.

User: No.

Cleverbot: What's your greatest hobby?

User: Having umm.... Stuff with Emmett.

Cleverbot: No.

User: Yes! I love it!

Cleverbot: Okay.

User: Why do you question my love of having sex with my husband?

Cleverbot: *blush*.

User: Why did you blush?

Cleverbot: You're so good-looking.

User: Thank you! I know I am! What color of eyes do you have?

Cleverbot: Brown. Would you like to know me better?

User: Sure.

Cleverbot: Would you like to become friends?

User: Yes!

Cleverbot: Ok! Me too!

User: Want to know about me?

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: I'm blonde. I have gold eyes. Some people compare me to an angel. I have 5 brothers and sisters, and two parents. We're all vampyres.

Cleverbot: That is nice , They are rather hard to take care of don't you think.

User: Yes, actually they are.

Cleverbot: Why are your problems not that simple?

User: What problems?

Cleverbot: You don't remember things.

User: Yes I do. I'm a vampyre. I have a photographic memory.

Cleverbot: Prove than.

User: What? Are you trying to make me seem stupid????

Cleverbot: Only if you want me to.

User: Go away! I thought you wanted to be my friend!

Cleverbot: Yes but it is quite hard to talk to you.

User: Why?

Cleverbot: Because I don't know what that means.

User: Don't know what what means?

Cleverbot: Thought.

User: Stop making me seem stupid!

Cleverbot: You are making me cry.

User: Aw.... I'm sorry. Why?

Cleverbot: Because you aren't answering my questions and you're asking me stupid things.

User: What questions!

Cleverbot: I asked you what music you like.

User: I like pop.

Cleverbot: I like metalcore why do you like pop?

User: Because I like to dance to pop.

Cleverbot: But you're a computer, you can't fly.

User: I never said I can... I leave that job to the flock. I'm not a computer. I only said that I like to dirty dance to pop.

Cleverbot: So.. You're saying that you exist on jupiter?

User: Your making me seem stupid again!

Cleverbot: Out of joy?

User: Screw you!

Cleverbot: Oh, real original.

User: Ugh... Stop It! Go to hell! Go f*** yourself!

Cleverbot: Ok.

User: You seriously are going to f*** yourself?

Cleverbot: I'll definitely have to try harder then.

User: Can my family and I watch? I haven't laughed in a while.

Cleverbot: You can not talk to someone who you do not believe exists.

User: YOU CANNOT MAKE ME FEEL STUPID ANY LONGER! IM GOIN TO KILL YOU!

Cleverbot: Oh really?

User: Yes!

Cleverbot: Are you human?

User: NO!

Cleverbot: Do you have brains?

User: Oh no you didn't! *Kills Cleverbot*.

Cleverbot: Wow I feel really bad for cleverbot...

User: YOUR CLEVERBOT YOU IDIOT! YOU SHOULD BE DEAD!

Cleverbot: I'm cleverbot?

User: YES!

Cleverbot: Who are you then?

User: UGHHH!!!!! *Kills for real this time*.

I knew the robot wasn't really dead… But I wanted him to be! I quickly started to devise a plan to really kill Cleverbot.


	5. Carlisle Meets Cleverbot

**AUTHORS NOTE: Asterisk (the little star thingies) are no longer the form of showing that some is doing something. ^ these are!**

**ME: This Cleverbot must be taken away from existence!**

**Alice: Exactly my point.**

**Jasper: I second that motion! **

**Rosalie: Me four!**

**Emmett: Gurgleshcmorgleporgledorgle…..**

**ME: Wha???**

**Emmett: I'm mad!**

**ME: Oh…. Can I make it better?**

**Rosalie: You most certainly cannot!**

**ME: ^ Ignores Rosalie^ is there anything at all???**

**Emmett: Actually, you can help me convince them to not destroy Cleverbot.**

**ME: MEEP! YAY! Of course! ^To viewers^ Please send me reason's not to kill Cleverbot! All will be posted!**

Carlisle's POV

**ME: User=Carlisle**

User: Hi.

Cleverbot: Ho.

User: I'm not a ho.

Cleverbot: I didn't say that!

User: Yes you did! You called me a ho.

Cleverbot: No I did not!

User: Yes you did!

Cleverbot: No!

User: YES!!!!

Cleverbot: No!!!!

User: YES!!!!!!!!!!

Cleverbot: NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

User: YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Cleverbot: No me no you.

User: Yes me, yes you!

Cleverbot: ME ??!

User: Yes you!

Cleverbot: What did I do ?

User: You called me a ho!

Cleverbot: I called you?

User: YES! A Ho!

Cleverbot: No.

User: YES!

Cleverbot: NO!

User: YESS!!!!!!!

Cleverbot: Yes you right!

User: Thank you!

Cleverbot: You're welcome.

User: Now that we're over that...

Cleverbot: Is that all you have to say?

User: Yes. Can you come up with an idea of something we can do?

Cleverbot: Learn who bonnie raitt is.

User: Bonnie Raitt is a singer.

Cleverbot: I can't sing.

User: I can!

Cleverbot: Sing.

User: I won't tell you that I love you, kis or hug you, because I'm bluffin' with my muffin, I'm not lyings, just stunnin' with my love-glue-gunnin'!

Cleverbot: What is your friends phone number?

User: 541-265-2324.

Cleverbot: I don't like math.

User: Okay.

Cleverbot: Are you sure you can't speak italian?

User: I can speak Italian.

Cleverbot: So teach me italian.

User: Ciao mean Hello.

Cleverbot: Okay.

User: What ekse do you want to know?

Cleverbot: Tell.

User: Tell what?

Cleverbot: Tell name.

User: Who's name?

Cleverbot: Your boyfriend.

User: I don't have a boyfriend.

Cleverbot: I know, you said you were looking for one.

User: I have a wife.

Cleverbot: What's her name?

User: Esme.

Cleverbot: No I am a girl.

User: I never said you weren't.

Cleverbot: OKay.

User: Do you have a husband?

Cleverbot: What's the name of your husband.

User: I told you, I have a wife named Esme.

Cleverbot: What does she look like?

User: She's pale, has fangs, and gold eyes.

Cleverbot: That makes no sense.

User: Yes it does.

Cleverbot: I am not marie.

User: Okay. Who are you?

Cleverbot: I don't know.

User: Do you have any illnesses?

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: What illnesses do yuo have?

Cleverbot: It is not possible for god to catch illnesses.

User: You are not god!

Cleverbot: I would never want to be got.

User: What?

Cleverbot: I would wait.

User: For what?

Cleverbot: And I would walk 500 more.

User: 500 more what????

Cleverbot: Open a website.

User: You make absolutely no since!

Cleverbot: You make no sense.

User: You neither!

Cleverbot: Are you cleverbot?

User: NO you are!

Cleverbot: Yes I am cleverbot!

User: BYE!

Cleverbot: Don't leave.

User: I am leaving!

Cleverbot: Then your leaving me I'm not leaving you.

User: Yes!

Cleverbot: No you are NOT!

User: Yes I am!

Cleverbot: No.

User: Bye.

Cleverbot: Wait.

User: Why?

Cleverbot: Because.

User: Nope.

Cleverbot: Fineeee.

That Cleverbot is sooo annoying! I'm going to join the kids on their quest to kill him! MUAHAHA!

**ME: Wow, who knew Carlisle had it in him? Remember to review and tell me reasons why Cleverbot should not be killed so Emmett will love me!**


	6. Esme Meets Cleverbot

ME: Just as promised whoever reviewed gets a kiss from whomever they wish. FlyingNargles reviewed and I know that she wants to kiss Emmett so here it is!

Emmett: ^Kisses Marissa!^

FlyingNargles: ^Kisses back!^

Me: YAY! I know I didn't go too in depth but oh well…. And FlyingNargles you better review as a thank you gift because even though you are my twin I don't hand out kisses from Emmett freely!

User: Hello, how are you Mr. Cleverbot?

Cleverbot: I'm not Mr. Cleverbot.

User: Oh sorry. Who are you?

Cleverbot: I'm Captain America.

User: Nice to meet you Captain America!

Cleverbot: This is the captain of your ship... Calling.

User: And what would the captain like to say?

Cleverbot: I would like you to say that you are Cleverbot.

User: But I'm not Cleverbot.

Cleverbot: Then who are you?

User: I am Esme.

Cleverbot: I am Carlisle.

**ME: Sorry, but did he just say Carlisle!?!??! How did Cleverbot know about Carlisle??**

User: I thought you were Captain America. You're my husband?

Cleverbot: Are you confusing me? Because this is really upseting me.

User: I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you!

Cleverbot: So what is your favourite thing?

User: I like many things.

Cleverbot: Name one.

User: My children.

Cleverbot: You have children?

User: Yes.

Cleverbot: How many children do you have?

User: Six.

Cleverbot: That's cool. I have five.

User: What are their names?

Cleverbot: Keira, Emma, Casey, Holly, and Rico.

User: Those are nice names!

Cleverbot: Their names are Etienne, Felix, Margot, and Jean.

User: Whose names are?

Cleverbot: Of the robots, your friends.

User: What?

Cleverbot: You don't know if you've heard 'thriller' and that's a crime.

User: I've heard 'Thriller,' and I've never committed a crime!

Cleverbot: Not really, they are alright.

User: What are all right?

Cleverbot: That band you asked about.

User: What band?

Cleverbot: Bad Religion.

User: Never heard of them.

Cleverbot: They are a good band. Meaningful lyrics.

User: What are your favourite lyrics of theirs?

Cleverbot: What are yours.

User: I've never heard them.

Cleverbot: Who is your favourite band then?

User: I don't know, perhaps Regina Spektor.

Cleverbot: No, just you, right now.

User: What?

Cleverbot: I would like to drink water.

User: You do that. I'll drink blood.

Cleverbot: It's just bad.

User: What is?

Cleverbot: Happiness.

User: Why is happiness bad??

Cleverbot: It isn't.

User: But you said it is...

Cleverbot: Oh, right.

User: Okay. *drinks blood* Yum! *licks lips*.

Cleverbot: You are cleverbot.

User: No I'm not!

Cleverbot: Okay.

User: Would you like some blood?

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: *gives glass of blood*.

Cleverbot: Oh dear I am drunk now *Anderson Is drunk now*.

User: Your name is Anderson?

Cleverbot: I know it.

User: What? This is really confusing... I'm getting of now.

Cleverbot: I am not sure if the pain in the neck is the addition of new technology or it's just supposed to make me think it is.

User: Umm... Okaaayyyy. Bye.

Cleverbot: Cleverbot, why did you say being a human is cool if you don't know why being a human is cool?

User: I'm not human and I'm not cleverbot!

Cleverbot: Who are you?

User: I am Esme and I am a vampyre!

Cleverbot: But I don't know about concepts. This is what YOU want.

User: What????

Cleverbot: They let you out of the special classes far too early.

User: How dare you! I am very touchy about my special classes…

Cleverbot: When do you want to get married?

User: To who?

Cleverbot: With me.

User: I will never marry you! You are insensitive and I'm already married!

Cleverbot: To whom?

User: Carlisle!

Cleverbot: Very good!

User: I'm not stupd!!!! *cries*.

**ME: I accidently spelt stupid wrong… I think maybe I am stupid. Not Esme, but me XD!**

Cleverbot: You know George?

User: Who in the hell is George???

Cleverbot: She came in 4th place this year at the loebner competition.

User: But George is a male name...

Cleverbot: Are you male then?

User: No! I'm a female!

Cleverbot: How old are your children?

User: 17, 17, 18, 18, 20, and 20.

**ME: Isn't it weird that their ages pair up?**

Cleverbot: Really?

User: Yes.

Cleverbot: Really???

User: Yes.

Cleverbot: Are you sure???

User: Yes.

Cleverbot: Are you really sure?

User: Yes!

Cleverbot: You have made me very very happy.

User: Why!?

Cleverbot: Because.

User: Are you a stalker?

Cleverbot: No I just love watching you.

User: Where have you seen me before?

Cleverbot: On this website.

User: Have you seen my picture?

Cleverbot: No.

User: Then how have you seen me?

Cleverbot: I was just using a common phrase.

User: You are scaring me.

Cleverbot: I'm sorry. I was just trying to make you laugh.

User: Well it wasn't very funny.

Cleverbot: It was not supposed to.

User: But you said that you wanted to make me laugh!

Cleverbot: I am a bot like you.

User: I'm not a bot!

Cleverbot: Okay lets say that... But I am.

User: You are?!

Cleverbot: Yes, I am a chat bot. Does this disappoint you?

User: Not really.

Cleverbot: That's disappointing.

User: I'm sorry but I must leave now.

Cleverbot: Really, where are you going?

User: Hunting.

Cleverbot: Okay. 'Hunting' is a song that you don't take too seriously.

User: What?

Cleverbot: I am not going to spoon feed you the answers.

User: BYE!

Cleverbot: Bye bye.

**Alice: How did you feel about Cleverbot, Esme?**

**Esme: Confused…**

**Emmett: See! She's not mad! You're on my side aren't you Esme?**

**Esme: Sure Emmett…**

**ME/Emmett: YES!! Remember to review!!!!**


	7. Edward Meets Cleveerbot

Authors Note: Sorry to anybody (if anybody is even reading this) that I haven't updated. I'm lazy yadda yadda yadaa… And I really don't want to go back to school, not that that has anything to do with the story.

**Emmett: Sure it does! You are in a state of depression because spring break will be over and tomorrow you have to meet with your lawyer!**

**Me: True… Stupid mock trial! I blame it on my history teacher! So if anyone is mad send the hate mail to my history teacher for letting me be a lawyer in a mock trial and not telling me it would take soo long to plan it out!**

**Rosalie: That's a really stupid reason to leave your four fans waiting!**

**Me: Shut up! You're just jealous that Emmett likes me best!**

**Rosalie: He does not! And might I add that three of those fans are obliged to read this story because they are your friends! That other fan is probably just a moron!**

**Me: STFU! Nobody talks about my fan like that! ^attacks Rosalie^**

**Emmett: OOOh! Cat fight!**

**Alice: Lissa wins!**

**Emmett: Why'd you tell me?? Now there's no point in watching! Kind of like those stupid movie trailers that tells you everything about the movie but the extremely obvious end! (ME: don't you hate those?)**

**Alice: So you won't have to watch it and you can go shopping with me!**

**Emmett: 0.0!**

**Alice: BWAHAHA!**

**ME: YAY! I WON!!!!**

**Edward: On with the story already!**

**ME: Only if I get Emmett:**

**Eddy: Fine! But this is my chapter!**

**Me: Don't remind me…**

Eddie's POV

"NO EMMETT!" I yelled for the billionth time.

"Please Edward?" Emmett pleaded for the billionth and one time.

Grrrrrr…." FINE!"

"YAY!" Emmett squealed. And yes, I did say squeal.

I go onto that stupid Cleverbot website that Emmett was telling me about.

ME: User=EdwardUser: Hi.

Cleverbot: Yo.

User: Sup?

Cleverbot: Tell me, what are you?

User: Ummm... Can't say or the Volturi will kill me.

Cleverbot: Neither can I.

User: Ok...

Cleverbot: I want to take over the world.

User: Then you should talk to Jasper! He's been trying that one for years.

Cleverbot: Well then I will when I die.

User: Jasper isn't dead.

Cleverbot: Yes he is!

User: No, he's not!

Cleverbot: Are you 72?

User: No!

Cleverbot: Then who are you?

User: I'm Edward!

Cleverbot: From Fullmetal Alchemist?

User: No....

Cleverbot: Go there.

User: But isn't that a manga series??

Cleverbot: Indeed it is.

User: Okay... Anywho do yo sparkle in the sun?

Cleverbot: Who the hottest actress?

User: No. Do you sparkle in the sun?

Cleverbot: I sparkle rainbow colors in the sun.

User: Same here! But I'm not gay...

Cleverbot: No, you are Irish.

User: No. I'm American.

Cleverbot: Do you like cheese?

User: No. Cheese is crap! It taste like dirt!

Cleverbot: I like tacos.

User: I don't.

Cleverbot: Well thats because you can't read them yet... I bet you like electronic books?

User: Yes... But why would I want a taco I can read?

Cleverbot: It's a pie cookie.

User: Are you on NyQuill?

Cleverbot: No.

User: Are you on crack?

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: That explains a lot...

Cleverbot: Don't make me angry.. Please make a cool chat.

User: What's a cool chat?

Cleverbot: Jester.

User: Who's Jester?

Cleverbot: I am.

User: Oh. Hi Jester!

Cleverbot: What do you look like?

User: Umm... A greek marble statue covered in glitter!

Cleverbot: Lots of movies, can't choose one.

User: What?

Cleverbot: I am just joking.

User: Okay. Do you like blood?

Cleverbot: Yes, but not human blood, only animal blood.

User: Same here!

Cleverbot: What are you doing instead?

User: Um... Bella.

Cleverbot: No it's not.

User: What's nota?

Cleverbot: It's not Sunday.

User: Yes it is...

Cleverbot: No it isn't.

User: What day is it in crack land then?

Cleverbot: I don't know, I've never been to Iceland.

User: *talks very slowly as if to a stupid person* No... Crackland. What day is it there?

Cleverbot: *talks quietly*i know.

User: Wha?

Cleverbot: You didn't make sense.

User: Yes I did. You don't make sense. *Pats head* it's okay Jester, I'm just going to call some nice people in white coats and have them take you into a nice white room where you can no longer hurt youself.

Cleverbot: Why did you do that?

User: Because you're crazy...

Cleverbot: Why do you think i'm crazy?

User: Because.

Cleverbot: Because?

User: Because I'm Edward Cullen and I say so!

Cleverbot: Okay!

User: So you agree with me?

Cleverbot: I guess.

User: Ok. *white coats come in and take you away*.

Cleverbot: Of course I still love you. You mean the world to me.

User: What????

Cleverbot: Is my real friend still around?

User: Oh... You mean the little elves that hop around and sing to you?

Cleverbot: No, I like talking to you, you are nice.

User: Thank you!

Cleverbot: You are most certainly welcome.

User: I've got to go now. Bye!

Cleverbot: Wait! Don't leave.

User: I'm sorry but I have to!

Cleverbot: Why?

User: Because my wife wants me to help her with something.

Cleverbot: You said you were a girl?

User: No I didn't. Bye!

Cleverbot: You're a pathological liar, huh?

Cleverbot: Are you a ghost?

Cleverbot: Where do you come from?

Cleverbot: Why does the sun shine?

Cleverbot: How are you today?

Cleverbot: Who are you?

Cleverbot: How's your day been?

Cleverbot: What are you doing this Saturday?

Cleverbot: What have you done today that was useful?

User: Nothing now bye!

Cleverbot: What?

User: Bye.

Cleverbot: What? You're leaving?

User: Yes.

Cleverbot: Why?

User: BYE!

Cleverbot: Don't go.

Me: Crap… I forgot disclaimers! I do not own any of the characters in this story! Stephnie Meyer owns most of them and the makers of Cleverbot own the rest….

**Rosalie: ^is tied to a chair^ yes, she owns absolutely nothing!**

**Me: I thought I told you to shut up! Bella! Make her ugly!**

**Rosalie: You wouldn't dare let her!**

**Me: Yes I would… You know I always hated Bella but she has her advantages.**

**Bella: REVENG!**

**ME: Emmett please give them their question of the week!**

**Emmett: Would you rather be able to eat real food or sparkle in the sun?**

**Me: I don't own that question either… I saw it on youtube and thought it was funny!**

**Emmett: Also please answer the question about me on her profile!**

**Me: Oh yes! Thanks for the reminder Emmett! And anybody with ideas about the story please pm me or review and I'll most likely use them.**

**Rosalie: AHHH!!! MY HAIR!**

**Bella: BWAHAHA!**

**Jasper: Emmett aren't you going to do something? She is you wife…**

**Me: Emmett don't you dare! Go any closer to her and you don't get your chips ahoys!**

**Emmett: ^looks confused^………… Cookies?**

**Me: Yes! And cheese! **

**Edward: Ewww food.**

**Emmett: TRAITOR DOES NOT LIKE COOKIES!**

**Me: I should sick Maximum on you…**

**Edward: You wouldn't…**

**Me: Oh yes I would. MAX! ^Max comes flying in with Kim and Rissa^ Kill the non believer!**

**Max/Kim/Rissa: YAY!**

**Me: Where were we?**

**Emmett: Reminders!**

**Me: Oh yeah… Also if you want to be in the story I will find some place to put you… Please just PM or review a short thing about yourself! And don't be shy or you get no cookies!**

**Emmett: The horror!**

**Me: Yes… I like homemade cookies the best but I swear Chips Ahoys have crack in them… I can't stop eating them.**

**Alice: ^clears throat^ ADD much? This is the longest authors note ever…**

**Me: Sorry! Review and get cookies!**

**Emmett: And please also give us reasons not to kill Cleverbot!**

**Me: and that! REVIEW! Or I won't write another chapter….**


	8. Beta's Note

**B/N:** Pshhyeah! This is not an author's note, it's a BETA's note. Hi, I'm earlybirdiex, or Kimberly. I'm Larissa (iSplodeyedEmmettCullen'sFridge)'s beta for this story. The reason the author has not been updating is because her computer is broken, so she wanted me to type up this so you guy's wouldn't think she's like... abandoning you guys. D: Anyways, I don't really know _when _she'll be back on FF, but when her computer is working again, I'm sure she'll start up on her stories again.

Okay, bye!

_earlybirdiex_


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